The desperate need to be understood

As humans we try to find ways to feel understood- whether it's through books, lyrics or poetry. We find art that speaks to us and use other's words to express ourselves. But if we know how we feel, why don't we have the words for ourselves?

The urge to be understood, it’s all anyone wants. As humans we are all intricate beings made up of a million different things that have formed the person we are today. We are complex and complicated. We are every story we’ve read, every book the teardrops have touched, every smile, every laugh. We are every hug, kiss and touch, our presence is permanent and impactful, whether great or small. We are ever changing and a beautiful creation of our story so far.

From BuzzFeed characters quizzes to curating playlists based around a singular meaningful lyric, we know exactly what we want and who we are but why does our language fail to express it.

I saw a quote online that perfectly described this feeling- “We read books and highlight the lines that speak to us, we listen to music and tattoo the lyrics that touch us, we turn to poetry and learn the lines that become us; we’re all hopelessly inept, struggling in vain to coherently express ourselves. We know what we want to say, but we don’t know how.” And the ironic thing is that the quote speaks for itself. We even need quotes to be written for us about our own inability to express our feelings without other's putting it into words for us.

But how can we feel so attached to words and lyrics and the sheer amount of weight, power and emotion they hold. How can lyrics speak so deeply to us that we imprint them with ink on our skins. Sometimes you can’t explain why some words mean something to us. Maybe it’s just like Phoebe Bridgers said, “I wish I wrote it, but I didn't. So I learned the words.” Art has such an impact on us throughout our lives, the small imprint they leave on us has made us who we are. I think there’s something so human and intimate about how people share their art with the world and so many will hold it close to their hearts forever.

I think there’s beauty in shared experiences and knowing that other people have felt your pain on some level too. It’s like listening to a song and feeling like the artist has taken the words out of your diary and write about your life. They have spoke to you, like it’s something personal only you two have shared. Or have we just interpreted it in a certain way, so that it applies to our own lives and situations. Again it’s that urge to be understood and knowing what we want to say but not knowing how to, so we use other sources to put it into words for us.

In the end I think that we all fear being misunderstood and believe that we are all so complicated, but deep down we know it’s not true. We all fear being misunderstood but deeper than that we fear being understood. Because if we can’t put it into words for ourselves, how are we expected to be so vulnerable with another so they can learn the inner workings of every inch of our minds?

George Orwell explained it in an interesting way- "Perhaps one did not want to be loved as much as to be understood." Can the desire to be loved really be masking our deeper urge to be understood? Maybe all we want is to be appreciated and told that we are important. We are as significant in someone's life as much as all the art that has touched us throughout our lives and made us who we are.

For me I think the feeling of being understood is actually the feeling of being seen. Someone learning about every interaction, friendship, lover and experience that has shaped you is a part of being loved, as they are understanding who you truly are. We are made up of all these small interactions but in that one moment, when we are truly seen, we are whole. And I think that's the closest many will reach to being truly understood.